also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
