when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
organizing the empties. That sober.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We left an ass print on the piano.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize