I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
