i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize