Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
