Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize