Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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