I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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