I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
