I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
