there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
