U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
