so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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