guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
