we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize