It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
