Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
