If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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