Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
