i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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