I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
