I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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