I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
