I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
