A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Come share oat with me in your robe
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize