Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize