that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
