A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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