The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
