I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
