I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
