I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
