Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
