he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
