dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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