i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
