WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
