So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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