i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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