I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
