I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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