I wish I only lived at night.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
