just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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