Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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