you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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