All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
