your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
