you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
