i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
