i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
