how can u be prego again
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
