you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
