so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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