Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
