I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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