My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
