So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
