ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Four minutes until I can fart!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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