What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
