guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
