I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
