I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
