Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
