I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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