You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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