Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
