yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
