Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
