Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
