she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So many bounce houses so little time
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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