There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Still dying that you shit outside
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
