we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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