I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
