I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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