Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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