Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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