Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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