It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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