dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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