u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
