Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
